9-28 (quick post because I have no internet access, so excuse messups)

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Wow! Life is so crazy! But I’m learning daily that the craziness of life is not worthy to be compared to the awesomeness of Christ. Now…please keep that word “learning” freshly in your mind as you read this, for it is far from perfected. Be sure of that! For in my fleshly state, when life decides to dish out a trial I sometimes lose sight of the absolute awesomeness of Christ. Today switched around so much that I feel as if I’m spinning and unsure exactly what all is happening. I feel like it needs to all soak in. But it didn’t throw Christ for a loop at all. He knew it all and allowed every aspect. And as I said I’m still pretty confused and lost in it all, so I’m not sure the reasoning or where it is all heading, but I know that Jesus Christ knows what He is doing, and that I can trust Him no matter where this road takes me. Oh to be in my head right now and to be able to see what, for me, is so hard to put into words. I shall try a little, but please know that it is nowhere close to what is there. I cannot adequately explain something that I still can’t comprehend and grasp myself!
The day started out ok, which is quite different from the last 2 days that have had rough mornings.
I got up and got ready for church and the whole drive to church just felt as if God was preparing me for something. Like that He was getting ready to teach me something.
We get to church and Sunday School was definitely for me. I honest to goodness don’t know what other people got out of it, but it was exactly what I needed after the week I had just come out of and for the one ahead of me that I was already slightly dreading.
Between services Satan attacked. I was almost in tears, and actually ended up having to leave right at the beginning of the service because I could not refrain from doing so any longer. I had to cry! I walked to the basement of the church and went into a dark corner and closed my eyes and just sat until I felt completely alone with God and poured my heart out. I knew that He could see what I couldn’t. And He knew what Satan was trying to keep me from or discourage me from. After sitting there pouring my heart out to Christ I prayed for strength and the ability to see, and not miss, what it was God was going to teach me, and that I wouldn’t be so distracted by the attempts of Satan. I say that I didn’t want to be distracted from “what God was going to teach me,” because even though Sunday School was absolutely remarkable and I did indeed learn and was greatly encouraged by it…I felt as if that wasn’t the “thing” I had felt that God was going to show me. I was still convinced that it was yet to come.
Well, after drying my eyes, regaining my composure and removing the snot from my nose , I returned upstairs.
Because of a few things going on right there in that service I began to find myself frustrated and began to pray. I didn’t know whether it was wrong that I was frustrated at these things. I will not mention the specifics, because they really are not of much importance to the point I am trying to make and would possibly cause strife between some and much confusion to others. But I will say that I was overwhelmed by the fakeness of “God’s people.”
I began to pray and God began to bring verses to my remembrance and I sat there reading and praying because my heart was so heavy with this burden,and my mind so filled with frustration. A frustration that I was still unsure whether right or wrong. I had pen in hand, fresh piece of paper in front of me, a mind full, a heart broken…so I began to write. I wrote my prayer to God. I wrote out my heart. I could barely move my hand fast enough to pen what expounded from my heart. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I felt as if it was all before me and before Him. I sat in silence unsure of where to go from here…what to do. The Spirit of the Lord spoke to me through His Word and I just melted. I had literally dumped my heart at the feet of Jesus Christ. I had thrown everything I understood, everything I could not understand, my frustration, my brokenness, every bit of what had built within me that morning (some of what was products of trials and testings from the days before) all at His feet and said “what would You have me to do?”
Oh my the sweet presence of the Lord. His sweet voice echoing through the pages of His Word. He showed me some things of my own heart and left the rest as a mystery that was not yet (if ever) to be known by me. But oh the peace granted me in that moment. Oh what sweet peace that cannot be described by mere mortal tongue. His love swept over me and I rested that moment there in His love. Praising Him for who He is. Oh how magnificent the King of Kings who is my Lord!
I left from that church service with a glad heart praising my magnificent Lord.
Much of my afternoon was spent in deep thought and just meditating on the events of the morning and my wonderful God.
When returning to church for evening service I found myself a bit impatient on what it was that was to happen next. I found myself becoming slightly frustrated that I didn’t know the next step or where to go now. When I find myself in this situation I must pray and ask the Lord’s forgiveness for my impatience and for not trusting that He knows when best to show me my next steps. “His ways are not my ways.” Ironically the message this evening was on respecting and obeying the authority placed in your life…ultimately Jesus Christ! So that kinda helped confirm or tie up any loose ends that may have been left from that.
After service I was approached by a few people with a proposition that blew me away. I was completely not expecting such a thing. I am not sure if this opportunity will come to pass, or if it is the will of God for my life right now. I have many thoughts on it, but know that my thoughts are unimportant. I am praying now about this, and know that if it be God’s will He will work it all out, and that if it is not His will for my life right now, He will show me my next step.
I am now praying and just waiting. This opportunity may very well completely vanish and become nothing, but if that be the case I am perfectly alright with that. It has reconfirmed in my heart that my God has not forgotten me and that He will lead me where He’d have me go.
It may sound as if everything is perfect and I have it all figured out…but that is not the case I can assure you. Satan is still attacking even tonight, and He is trying oh so hard to distract me. But oh my God is so much mightier than my adversary! For those of you who read this and wouldn’t mind doing so…I would surely appreciate your prayers. God is so much bigger than anything that may come my way. I am not concerned of Christ failing. But I am mere man. Please pray that I would keep my eyes focused where they need to be so that I do not lose track of where He is taking me, and that I can have the courage and strength I need to follow where it is He leads me.
If you have anything that you’d like for me to pray with you about, I’d love to do so. You can leave a message on the prayer wall (tab above), so that I and others who read it can pray for you.
If you have any questions or need anything just leave a comment letting me know. Thanks .
Born again believers…reflect on the awesomeness of our Lord today. He is so worthy! Praise Him!
You who do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ…”TODAY is the day of salvation!” We are not promised tomorrow! Please leave a comment if you have ANY questions! I’d love to talk with you! Go to www.NeedGod.com

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